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After The Ass-rag, Then...

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After The Ass-rag, Then...
olwiteguy
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#31
05-07-2005, 06:09 AM
O.K. now I've got peoples telling me not to ask...I've gotta know?What could that possibly mean?How could you tell someone to be afraid to learn of your name?I could see if it were Maddog or Killer or Leroy or Bones but I'm dying here...... I have to know..........Why dont I want to go there?WOODSMASTER???How bad can that be?? I can be sorry i asked , but I cant live in ignorance.I Need To Know!!!!!! <img src='http://www.hoodswoods.net/IVB/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/bash.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':bash:' />
Ron Hood Offline
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#32
05-07-2005, 06:11 AM
Didja miss my post? It's on page 2



Ron
Hind sight is an exact science until historians or politicians get involved.



Nothing is so simple that it can't be misunderstood.



I have regular bowel movements, I just wish they were voluntary...



My dad started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 91, and we don't know where he is.



Understand?
olwiteguy
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#33
05-07-2005, 06:26 AM
No I think we posted near the same time.Ranger made The Woodsmaster question sound almost dangerous. I laughed my ass off reading that post and am very relieved as I was expecting a much more demented story regarding the name WOODSMASTER. Any way got any more Tractor Trips lined up in the near future? If I had a chance to meet you and karen and the dogs I dont think i'd be able to miss it!
Bill Hay Offline
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#34
05-07-2005, 07:07 PM
So.. If I understand it right... What Ron was saying is that...



The name "Bushmaster" was already taken.



<img src='http://www.hoodswoods.net/IVB/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='Tongue' />

Howard Wallace Offline
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#35
05-07-2005, 09:46 PM
[quote name='Ron Hood' date='May 3 2005, 10:54 PM']One Forest Service guide book, written by either a complete tyro or by as hard assed a ranger as ever strode a trail, recommended wiping with rocks and PINE CONES! Right on. (As close as I could ever come to the author of that was the intimation that the book was written by a female college intern majoring in Ecology. I wonder what ecology she harbored in those nether regions. THAT incidentally is a great topic for dinner conversations.)

[right][post="35672"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote]



I like to leave my fecal material behind once I excrete it, so the ass rag never caught on with me. Usually I have some TP, which I bury after use.



River rocks will do in a pinch. You soon learn to appreciate the qualities of the different textures.



Speaking of pinecones, they do have a definite directionality to them. One direction is good for the brutal scraping of quantities of material, the other direction for a velvety clensing dab of the nether regions.



Moss is a particular favorite of mine.



Watch out for stinging nettles and other leaves with spines.





[quote name='Ron Hood' date='May 6 2005, 09:57 PM']Through this race to destruction I had one tool with which to seal each connection and that was "Wood" as alluded to by the above link. In time my envious male buddies began to call me the "Wood Master" and since I also spent much of my time in the mountains the name was a double entendre.

[right][post="36058"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote]



Interesting ... I've always just used the flesh that God gave me. What kind of wood did you use to fabricate your implement(s)? What is the best knife for carving them? What sizes did you find to be the most popular? Were any of your friends bothered by splinters?



I'm always learning new stuff on this forum! <img src='http://www.hoodswoods.net/IVB/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='Smile' />
Howard Wallace
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#36
05-07-2005, 09:47 PM
Quote:The name "Bushmaster" was already taken



:pile:



I needed that... Thanks Bill!



Ron
Hind sight is an exact science until historians or politicians get involved.



Nothing is so simple that it can't be misunderstood.



I have regular bowel movements, I just wish they were voluntary...



My dad started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 91, and we don't know where he is.



Understand?
Ron Hood Offline
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#37
05-07-2005, 09:57 PM
Actually Howard, soft wood can be be shaped with a tongue. With your flexibility you might be able to test this. Sadly my skills are so lacking in this area I need assistance with this technique.



While splinters were never an issue the sap can become one.

Wood size is less of an issue than one might expect. However durability of wood can become an issue. <img src='http://www.hoodswoods.net/IVB/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='Big Grin' />



Ron
Hind sight is an exact science until historians or politicians get involved.



Nothing is so simple that it can't be misunderstood.



I have regular bowel movements, I just wish they were voluntary...



My dad started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 91, and we don't know where he is.



Understand?
Howard Wallace Offline
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#38
05-07-2005, 11:56 PM
he he he ...
Howard Wallace
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#39
05-08-2005, 03:33 AM
Since no one else has put it up, here's an old one:

A bear and a rabbit are both taking a dump. The bear asks the rabbit if he has problems with stuff sticking to his fur. The rabbit says no, so the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.



Which brings me to my question - anyone else have problems with body hair getting in the way and collecting souvineers? Maybe Ron's technique of squatting way down takes care of it.



BTW, on the paper towels - I used some really thick stuff in Europe. It was like Bounty, and one square was all it took. I'd like to get some of that over here. Of course their toilets could flush a dead cat.
olwiteguy
Unregistered
 
#40
05-08-2005, 04:47 AM
I think cones or stones are abrasive enough to "comb"any hangers on out of the way.But, I think for the short term practice session most of us do that a few dingleberries could be washed off in a hot shower after we returned home!! <img src='http://www.hoodswoods.net/IVB/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blush.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='Blush' />
Howard Wallace Offline
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#41
05-08-2005, 07:04 AM
[quote name='bohica' date='May 7 2005, 07:33 PM']Which brings me to my question - anyone else have problems with body hair getting in the way and collecting souvineers?  Maybe Ron's technique of squatting way down takes care of it.

[right][post="36157"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote]



I think Ron posted about how to remove the offending hairs a while back. I don't remember all the details, but I think it involved a six-pack of beer, a can of beans, and a campfire.
Howard Wallace
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#42
05-10-2005, 05:38 AM
bohica, you speak of the mighty "Klingon" empire. everyone knows how to deal with those pesky hairs... o.k. guys i'll give up our secret.



we shave our ass before going into dirttime. right guys?



awww c'mon, someone back me up on this...



Bill told me everyone does it.



don't ya? someone? anyone? ahhhh jeez..... <img src='http://www.hoodswoods.net/IVB/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blush.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='Blush' />



Ranger
Nevada Battle Born...



"...your first mistake was trusting the people who sent you here..."



"the internet is reponsible for more mistakes than whisky and shotguns." musician Dave Wilcox



Stupid people are like Slinkies.... They're not really good for anything....but....

They still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs
Ron Hood Offline
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#43
05-10-2005, 06:05 AM
Hmmm... Ranger, maybe you shave your ass hairs where you hang out but real men pluck.



The problem with shaving is the ingrown hair. Sure as shootin' one of those folicles is going to have it's revenge and turn inward rather than face the daily onslaught of shit that is it's life. Once turned around it will fester, it then becomes your task to dig around in that region to locate the wayward hair and direct it back onto the path that is it's lot.



I gotta tell you. I've been trying to stay out of this thread. When the topic of hairs came up I got the shakes. As a hirstute member of my gender I've noticed how the hairs on my head have slowly migrated to my back and those on my back to... lower areas. I'm not sure why this is but I like to think that hairs migrate to democratic areas and run from Republican regions. It's a political thing.



At any rate, if you are a rag user you are about as likely to have a Jungle Gym on you butt as is a paper user when in the field. However, paper users face an additional liability. Crap likes to integrate with paper and hair ... it's very Democratic. Once integrated it hardens and irritates in ways that only the Pope can tolerate. Paper dingleberries make awesome blowgun ammo. That is why I switched over to cloth.



It is inevitable that if you don't wash you will be faced with the choice someone put in a poll recently... chunky or smooth. Chunky is easy. Smooth requires plucking (or sub optimal loadings of testerone). I like plucking. It gives me something to do in my sleeping bag as I wait to drop off to sleep. Whatever I harvest I can flip towards Bill's camp. As a stern Republican and an expert pistolero he wacks them as they arc towards his fire. Quite a sight.



Ron
Hind sight is an exact science until historians or politicians get involved.



Nothing is so simple that it can't be misunderstood.



I have regular bowel movements, I just wish they were voluntary...



My dad started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 91, and we don't know where he is.



Understand?
Bill Hay Offline
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#44
05-10-2005, 06:48 PM
I wouldn't know they are coming if it wasn't for Ron's giggling. I don't know for sure if he's giggling because he is plucking his brown eye(brow), or because he is flicking them toward my camp... I'm not sure I wanna know.



Because I always camp UPwind from Ron, those little brown bombers tend to slow down before they get to me, ya see... Shooting them is easy then... But don't tell Ron. He thinks I'm quite the pistolero...



Heck, ANYbody should be able to hit what looks like brown sperm coming straight at you... You know... Brown head, and flexible tail...



B.

Austin Offline
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#45
02-03-2007, 03:46 PM
More people need to read this topic as I about "S H I T" my pants Learning all the ways to shit in the woods! I learned that I will not camp next to Bill as Ron is using his camp as a target! I also will not drink Bills coffee in the morning either! <img src='http://www.hoodswoods.net/IVB/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':lol:' /> I do hope one day soon I will get the chance to witness this first hand! I like the torpedo idea with a quilted paper towel idea and the burning the rag idea and using small rags not table linens. Real good to know about the Woodsmaster!!! <img src='http://www.hoodswoods.net/IVB/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumbsup.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':thumbsup:' /> Dig deep and cover with rock art!!!



I officially "IS" making a " S H I T " Kit!!! today it will be a blast. <img src='http://www.hoodswoods.net/IVB/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/2guns.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':2guns:' />
Best Regards

Charles Austin DenHerder



AKA : The A-man
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